Don't Know How to Feel
by ALilyPea
Summary: Mick didn't know how to mourn Josef, and now that he's alive he doesn't know how to feel. MM,Slash.


Title: Don't Know How to Feel

Fandom: A Moonlight Fan fiction

Pairing: Mick/?

Disclaimer: I don't own Moonlight, and have never claimed to.

Rating: PG I think.

Warnings: Not the best thing I've ever written but I think it will do.

Dedicated to Levin Colter, one of the kindest people I know to cheer her up.

* * *

Mick had told Beth he didn't know how to grieve for Josef, and it had been the truth. How could he grieve for someone when he wasn't even sure how he felt about them in the first place? Josef was his closest friend, one of his only friends and he had truly been there through everything. Hell, they'd even been pretty close when Mick was human, despite him not knowing Josef's true identity. Josef had tried to keep him from Coraline, to keep him from the poison she managed to infest everyone with. And this from the man who'd claimed that he felt nothing for anyone, yet got lonely and ran to Mick for safety. Josef had been lying to him all along, Charlie Fitzgerald, the vampire soul mate of Sarah. It was enough to make Mick fume with irrational jealousy. Women had passed through Josef's life by the dozens but Mick had remained his only confidante. His only true companion, until Sarah was revealed and blew Mick's delusions away, Josef did love, and he loved her, it was almost too painful to bear. Even more so than Josef's supposed death.

"Mick, I thought you were going to spend some time with Beth," Josef spoke from the doorway of the parlour, a glass of blood held elegantly in one hand as he slowly entered the room and sat down on the sofa. "Don't tell me goldilocks decided to ditch you."

Mick glared at the other man, "Don't call her that. She may not be your friend, but she's mine and at least she's never lied to me like you have," He spat, venom in his tone of voice. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this angry, this enraged at Josef, possibly never. The older vampire could be foolish yes, but had never provoked this reaction from him.

Josef sighed as though this was an argument he'd heard a million times before, and maybe he had but not from Mick. Mick was good to him, he'd stood up for him and tried to help him and in return Josef hadn't offered him a single explanation until the end. He knew it wasn't fair of him to do but he preferred the mystique he held over the other vampire rather than the reality of it.

"I didn't technically lie to you about anything," Josef clarified, putting the glass down on the table. "I never said I'd never been in love, or that I'd never been with one woman for any length of time."

Scoffing Mick got out of his seat and paced back and forth, running a hand through his hair. "No, I suppose technically you never lied, but it was still a lie by omission. Here you were all along, making fun of my love for Coraline when really you're nothing but a hypocrite. You keep talking about how you're lonely and how love is stupid when you're a coward…"

"Which is it Mick? Am I a hypocrite or a coward because I'll have to pick one for my business cards," Josef quipped in reply, leaning back in his seat with a smirk on his face.

"Shut up Josef," Mick yelled suddenly, feeling somewhat satisfied when Josef went silent, clearly shocked by Mick's vehemence. "You are a coward and a hypocrite because you've been in love before and all you do is mock how I once felt for Coraline. You talk all about being lonely but you won't reach out for love. You're pathetic," He spat.

Josef stood up, making his way over to Mick as quick as he could he got into the other vampire's face, growling. "I'm pathetic? I'm not the one fawning after some little blond bitch that could never even begin to understand our lives. You're nothing but a game to her, a little walk on the dark side before she goes back to her lawyer boyfriend. You pined after Coraline so stupidly, and still do until this day. Yet you have the balls to call me pathetic?"

Mick stepped back; pulling himself from Josef he shook his head. "You just don't get it. How can someone who has seen so much history be so damned dense all the time?" He hissed, almost changing into his vampiric features. "You could've died Josef, and here you are yelling at me about being in love when it's part of living and you've stopped living. You stopped living the moment Sarah died. And yes she is dead Josef, I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you." He felt so angry he could've torn apart the entire room around them. He expected Josef to feel the same, and sat down stunned when all the older vampire did was throw his head back and laugh.

"I can't believe I didn't realize it before, how stupid of me, how completely ignorant," Josef sounded genuinely amused, which was better than before when he'd told Mick and Beth about Sarah, then he'd just sounded defeated. "You, Mick St. John, fighter for the helpless, expert PI are completely jealous of Sarah, a woman from my past." He smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. "How does it feel Mick?" He taunted, wanting to fire up the other vampire. It'd been awhile since he'd had a good fight, since blood had been spilt on these carpets. Well not awhile as a man had recently been fought here but since Josef hadn't been that involved he'd missed out on a good portion of the fun.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Mick replied, turning away from Josef. His pride hurt now, he had known that at times yes he could be transparent to Josef. But he didn't even know how he felt about the other man and now he was being accused of jealousy; he supposed the older vampire was right. It really was the only explanation for it, he was reacting much in the same way he had at first with Beth when he'd found out about Josh. "It's ridiculous." He said in a resigned tone, lowering his eyes to the ground. He didn't know what he was taking about now, if he was trying to defend himself from Josef's claim or talking about his feelings.

Josef smiled slightly, a genuine smile for once and shook his head. "You don't know me very well do you Mick?" He asked, lounging back on the couch he reached for his glass of blood and took a sip from it, a barely there grimace crossing his face. He had always preferred the fresh stuff.

Mick made a sound of frustration in the back of his throat; finally sitting down once again he stared across the room at Josef, "I thought I did." He responded, his tone almost sullen. He knew in the back of his mind that he was in fact behaving childishly, like a child who'd lost a toy or something.

"Mick, please cut the act," Josef rolled his eyes skyward. "I am thankful I was blessed with such patience to be able to deal with people like you." His tone was completely sarcastic, Josef had very little patience and both of them knew it.

Sighing Mick looked away, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't know what you mean by that, by the comment about me not knowing you, it's a broad horizon," He answered honestly, at a loss for words and explanations of what to say. He was so confused, it seemed like Josef was trying to play a game with him, despite knowing how much he hated playing games.

Josef made a loud huffing noise, as though he couldn't believe how dense the other man was. Mick was a lot of things, but intuitive to his best friend's emotions was not one of them. "Did it ever occur to you why I am always lonely?" He asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Because you only loved Sarah and could love no one else," Mick suggested, obviously unsure of his answer. He hated when he couldn't figure things out and this is no different. He could have all the knowledge in the world, gathered by his travel and life experience that humans could only dream of and he still wouldn't understand Josef Konstantin.

"Good god what do you think I am?" Josef groaned, shaking his head he rubbed his forehead in complete frustration as though he was beginning to get a headache. "I'm not some hero from a fucking Victorian romance novel Mick, I'm a man. Just a man, well not just a man but I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm trying to say."

Mick growled again, "I have no clue what you're saying. I know you like games Josef but I at least expect you to respect the fact that I really don't and be honest with me without dodging around all of the issues for once."

"Did it ever occur to you that I was waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass, pay attention to what's going on around you and decide to help me get over my loneliness?" Josef finally spat, standing up once again he felt anger fill him. He hated not being able to do things this way but he'd known from the minute he'd seen Mick sitting in the parlour that they were going to get into it.

Standing up as well Mick made his way over to Josef, searching his eyes he made a soft rumbling noise in his chest, his eyes sharp and light ice blue. It was all vampiric and his instincts were pulling him towards the other man, making him want him, making him want to be claimed by him. He wasn't stupid enough to think that he could dominate the older vampire, top him, possibly if Josef was in the mood, dominate him definitely not. Josef was too much of a control freak, even more than Mick.

"What do you think is going to happen?" Mick asked, after taking a deep breath and calming his bestial side.

Josef wrapped one hand around Mick's left wrist and pulled him in close into a heated kiss he nipped at his bottom lip until blood ran between them, lapping it up hungrily as though he hadn't just been feeding. "I think you need to tell Goldilocks that you belong to someone else, and then you need to make a call and get a bigger freezer because when you go home, I'm coming with you."

Mick looked into his eyes and nodded wordlessly, moving in for another kiss. He would certainly do his best to keep Josef from being lonely, because it would keep him from being lonely. He knew now how he would feel, and grieve if Josef were to die. Devastation, followed by death; because there was no way he would be able to live without his best friend.


End file.
